


all I want for Christmas is (answers my vary)

by vertigo



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Alternate Universe - Yakuza, Awkward Sexual Situations, Christmas, Explosions, M/M, Minor Character Death, Sexual Tension, Violence, Winter, aftgwinterjam2020, assistant Neil, hitman andrew, ichirou is smarter than everybody else, loosely use of the prompt it was given, use of the fag word
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:00:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28197294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vertigo/pseuds/vertigo
Summary: Andrew is certainly living what some spiritual enlightened people might call a cycle of karmic retribution. He's sure his whole life is just a series of punishments for something he did in the past few lives. Sometimes he gets something good, sometimes he gets stuck in the middle of the snow in goddamn Labrador, Canada while working for his boss.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Stuart Hatford/Ichirou Moriyama
Comments: 22
Kudos: 79
Collections: #AFTGWinterJam 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THE [AFTGWinterJam](https://twitter.com/aftgwinterjam) AND THE PROMPTS!!!! I had a lot of fun with this one, and yeah, very loosely based on today's theme: winter/snow games. I hope you all enjoy it! 
> 
> this work is unbetaed, so ignore all the mistakes and have fun.

Andrew is certainly living what some spiritual enlightened people might call a cycle of karmic retribution. He's sure his whole life is just a series of punishments for something he did in the past few lives. Sometimes he gets something good, sometimes he gets stuck in the middle of the snow in goddamn Labrador, Canada while working for his boss.

He should have become an exy player like his coach wanted him to, but no, _no._ He had to be extremely good at extreme violence and get the attention of one handsome english man, who apparently knew his weaknesses: fast cars and stability for his family. It isn't like he's not grateful for Stuart Hatford's sponsorship throughout his life, but things started to get a little too ridiculous when he decided to marry the weird yakuza primadonna. Ichirou Moriyama is as dangerous as he is unhinged. He is also exquisitely beautiful and smart, but a little too heavy on the crazy side, nonetheless.

Ichirou also gave Andrew the rock in his shoe. The rain cloud on his sunny day. The damn furniture you stub your little toe in when you're barely awake. The human disaster called Neil Josten. As Ichirou's assistant he's fairly good at what he does (managing money and helping him plot murders), at everything else, Neil is a flaming bag of disaster. He hates sweets, likes fruits, goes for runs every morning, likes to wake up early and dye his hair every two weeks.

And Andrew loves Neil Josten so fucking much. He might be the second most ludicrous creature he's ever met (after his boss), but damn if Andrew doesn't love his beautiful blue eyes and the badass scars across his face. 

And how efficient he is.

And how gorgeous he is.

And how good he is at respecting boundaries.

But Andrew absolutely wishes he could have stuffed Neil in a box and shipped him back to New York. 

"I just don't get it," Neil says, his periwinkle blue hair contrasting nicely with his white camouflage. His nose looks a bit too red and his voice is a bit too nasal for Andrew's taste, and he just wants to get this disaster babe home and make him drink the disgusting chamomile and honey tea he says it's good for your throat. "why spend Christmas in _fucking Labrador._ "

Andrew muses on it while he assembles his rifle, Neil is sitting on the passenger side of their white Jeep, his boots leaving smudged footprints on the snow. "Maybe because his younger and even crazier brother decided he would kill him for good this time and what's better than to hide yourself in the middle of nowhere, Canada?" Andrew says as Neil hums, tucking the stray blue strands in his beanie. Andrew supposes he's lucky Neil changed his hair color before this particular assignment, which Neil decided he was definitely following along, despite Stuart's warning. The week before it had been a deep ocean blue that would have given away their position in a flash. 

"I think he wanted to have kinky snow sex with uncle Stu." Neil decides, blowing warm gusts of air. "I know my boss better than you do and Riko coming after him is nothing new."

"So, planting a bomb in his office is nothing new?" Andrew hums and Neil shrugs.

"Well, he once sent anthrax to Ichirou's residence. And before that was a poisoned wine bottle. And then the police trap in Ecuador…" Neil recounts, lifting his gloved fingers and following along with the ridiculous things Riko and Tetsuji Moriyama tried in order to kill the rightful heir of the Lord Moriyama title and become the Big Boss of the Japanese mafia. "Oh, and my favorite! Rabbies! He sent Ichirou a rabid opossum."

"It was a raccoon."

"Opossum."

"Why are you here, Neil?" Andrew asks with a sigh, finally attaching the scope to his beloved rifle. 

Neil pouts, looking a bit childish as he leans in to kiss Andrew's forehead. "It's not fair that uncle Stu and Ichirou get their holiday while we have to be apart. I don't want to spend Christmas away from you. Again."

"Touching, but you know you are a disaster." Andrew says, pressing their lips together. 

"I'm the son of the Butcher, Stuart Hatford is my uncle."

"And he didn't spent half of his life making sure you were safe just so you could date his henchman and follow him to _fucking Labrador._ You should have stayed in New York. Or gone to see my brother in Seattle." He keeps kissing Neil, their cold noses nuzzling gently. 

"Ugh, no. I can't stand your twin. He's like what you would be if you were a twink _and_ a nerd. Not the nice kind of nerd." Neil says, wrapping his arms around Andrew's neck. "Plus he has a boyfriend now."

"He has a what?"

"Oops. Look at the time, Riko's convoy must be arriving, we better take our position." Neil unfolds a map, drawing the route his mole gave him a couple days ago. "They're coming southwest, twenty minute walk. I got the images from the drone and it looks like there's a good nest for you. I will give you cover…"

"Not with knives and not unless I'm in absolute danger."

Neil waves his commentary away with a flap of his hand. "Apparently Riko is only bringing two units, five people each, should be an easy job if you get the tank on the first shot. Ichirou says you can do whatever you want, if you want to kill Riko he's fine, just don't disturb him and Stuart because they're having old married people sex in front of the fireplace."

Andrew frowns. "You don't know it for sure."

"They totally are. Ichirou was very specific he was going to _woo your uncle with my new body harness and a mink fur coat_." Neil twitches his cute button nose, focusing on drawing where the weak spots of Riko's convoy are.

"I couldn't care less about what they're doing right now. I'm asking about the two unity thing. It's not like Riko. " Andrew muses, looking at the terrain. It's a snowy wasteland and the only signs of life are the two of them. "Riko likes to be flashy, if this is his final move he will want to make it dramatic. How reliable is your source?"

Neil shrugs, studying the map with his ridiculously intense blue eyes. "Not much, but also Riko wouldn't dare bring too many people. His circle is small enough, he knows he can be decimated if Ichirou stops being merciful." Neil says, finally folding the map and smiling at Andrew. "And he doesn't have The Monster with him." Andrew places one hand on Neil's nape, pulling him close enough their foreheads touch and they're breathing the same cold air. "I trust you, Andrew."

"Don't do anything stupid. Stay near all the time. Use the snow as a cover, don't bring attention to yourself." He says, and Neil nods at everything, if he's going to follow Andrew's orders...Well that's another matter completely. "If you need to run, run back here and into Ichirou's house. You'll be safe there."

Neil presses their lips, once, twice, then holds on to the doorframe and kisses Andrew deeply. "Be safe." His blue eyes and kiss swollen lips are the best thing Andrew has ever seen in his life. Even if he's red in the face from the cold and the tiny pearls of snowflakes are melting on his beanie.

"119%." 

They start their trek through the snow, making sure to walk in circles and do the best to cover their footsteps. The falling snow helps hiding their tracks and Andrew appreciates the absolute _silence_ that descends upon them. Well, his boss might be a little insane for marrying Ichirou, but they sure know how to pick a scenic spot for Christmas. He watches the trees, the few brave birds that soar high and thinks of Neil by his side.

He's silent, walking in time with Andrew and checking his compass to make sure they're going the right way. Every once in a while they stop for Neil to put a trap or two so the cars won't be able to follow them. There's an empty road, thin and covered in snow like the rest of the place and Andrew signals for Neil to stop. _Here?_ Neil's hands doing ASL are pure magic. He makes it look effortless and gracious.

_Here,_ Andrew signals back, pointing him to some thick snowed in bushes _stay low_. Neil nods and he starts the climb on the sturdiest tree he could find. He can only thank Neil for finding a suitable location for him, the branches are old, but they hold Andrew's weight as he takes position and starts to breathe slowly.

That's the part of the job he loves the most, the few minutes it takes for him to become Ichirou's and Stuart's pet killing machine, the second he takes fighting his heartbeat until it's obeying to the rhythm he wants it to follow. He gets settled on the tree, listening for noises around them and sure enough, five minutes later the rumble of an engine can be heard. Andrew watches through the scope as the cars approach. 

Apparently Neil's contact is useless. The convoy has four cars, he allows two of them to pass before he shoots the tire of the third one, the silencer of his gun doing the job of muffling the sound. "FUCK!" Someone says from the car and the whole convoy stops.

_Amateurs_. Andrew thinks, watching the commotion as Riko's ravens, dumbly dressed in black and red like it won't make them stand like a sore thumb, gather around the car. "What the fuck Leverett?"

"Don't know, fucking wilderness. My tire is busted." He watches them bicker through the scope, tries to find Riko with no luck. _Hm, he's not that dumb._ But one of the Ravens scouts the area, getting dangerously close to where Neil is hidden under a pile of snow and branches. Andrew feels his heartbeat picking up and he reigns it in, breathing deeply and feeling the sweat run from his forehead to his mouth. Luckily, the idiot was just finding somewhere to pee and going back to his group of idiots, who are trying to find out how they're changing the tires.

No sign of Riko. 

But Neil is signing with his hands.

_Grenade?_

_No. Stop._

_Fine._

Andrew sighs mentally, and continues watching as the Ravens bicker their way to a change of tires. 

_Grenade?_ Neil signs again and Andrew has to physically restrain himself. Why the fuck Neil likes grenades so much is beyond him. 

_No._ He signs. Some of the Ravens on the last car of the convoy move and Andrew kills them one by one while their stupid friends bicker over the best way to change a tire in the snow. He keeps on killing, the muted pop and the soft recoil of the gun in his hands are the only things he needs. The stupid Ravens keep bickering as he picks them one by one-- he's six bodies in when he hears the unmistakable scream of _Sniper!_ from the only Raven that has more than one faulty brain cell.

At the same time he sees through his scope Neil smiles brightly, covered in cute snowflakes. _Grenade!!_ Andrew is about to signal _No_ when he pulls the pin and expertly rolls the grenade under one of the convoy cars.

He is going to kill Neil for this. Andrew has only a few minutes to brace himself against the tree before the car goes up in flames, along with the remaining Ravens. It looks like it's snowing, debris and human remains. The remaining two other cars of the convoy shake and move, and Andrew gets down from the tree safely, with only occasional human splatters and the fucking ringing on his ears as a casualty.

Neil is up, giving him thumbs up before a shot grazes him in the arm and Andrew, stupid in love Andrew, grabs his stupid Neil and books it through the forest. He can't hear what Neil is saying but his stupid (and attractive lips) are moving as they run through the forest to find their way back into the car.

"...and I know you're probably mad at me, but you can't be possibly more mad than when you learn that your brother is dating Kevin Day." He hears the tail end of his rambles, and the first instinct that courses through Andrew's veins is to stop and strangle Neil, then buy a ticket to Seattle and strangle Kevin Day.

"Aaron is fucking _what_?" He screams, shoving Neil in the passenger seat and starting the car. He can hear Riko's supporters coming for them.

"Most likely Kevin is doing the fucking." Neil says with a scrunch of his nose, assessing the bleeding wound on his arm. There's also a gash on his forehead. Dear baby Jesus, Neil is not fit for this.

"You know what?" Andrew half says, half shouts, not because he's mad enough to choke the answers from Neil, but because his ears are still ringing and there are shots pinging on his car. And he is driving, high speed through the snow as the car shakes. "Fucking drive." He keeps his food on the gas, letting go of the wheel so Neil can drive and they sweep positions easily, and Andrew comes out of the sunroof to kill some idiots and release some pent up frustration. "We can discuss it later. Why did you think it was not a good idea to inform me that my brother is fucking one of Ichirou's puppets?"

Neil grunts changing gears then running his fingers over Andrew's boot clad ankle. "Why do you think your brother is this precious damsel in distress that needs protection? He's your age and he…"

"Don't say it." Andrew screams over the wind and the snowflakes hitting his face are irritating him more than he possibly thought they would. A bullet flies by his head.

"He fucking murdered a guy with an exy racquet!"

"You know why he did it!"

"Andrew, I'm just gonna say it…"

Andrew shoots someone. "Don't say it."

"Cool motive, _still murder_."

Andrew absolutely groans, he will strangle Neil once everything is done. After he's laid him in bed and kissed him passionately for blowing up a car with a grenade. That was kind of badass and beautiful, but Andrew will never admit it out loud. The car swerves to the right and a stray branch hits him on the forehead, opening a gash that's bleeding profusely. "Can you fucking drive this thing?"

"I'm the Butcher's son! Not speed racer's!" Neil retorts, pulling the pin from another grenade and shoving it in Andrew's hand.

He groans again, waiting until it's beeping so he could throw it and make another car fly through the air. "Really? With the way you love explosions, I was thinking you're the unabomber's son." Andrew finally retreats to the inside of the car, looking at the wound on Neil's arm. Superficial at best. But they both have soot and snow all over and they will have to end this car too. 

"Am I at 200, yet?"

"You've surpassed it." Andrew says, clicking his seatbelt and enjoying a mad dash through the snow. Neil drives like a lunatic. And honestly, it's shooting adrenaline right into a very important part of him.

"There's a Twix in the glove compartment."

Motherfucker. Andrew grabs it and takes a bite.

He loves this asshole.

The rest of the drive is spent in silence, until they reach Ichirou's quaint getaway house. In the middle of fucking nowhere, he can see from the floor to ceiling glass doors that there's a fire glowing inside, the whole place looks cozy and rustic and Andrew is out of the car before Neil even parked. He watches him get out, a slight limp on his left leg. "For Chrissakes, did you sprain your ankle?"

"Bullet." Neil says simply and Andrew picks him up trudging through the snow to pound on the damn glass door. It leaves a red imprint of blood from where a bullet grazed his hand.

It takes a few seconds before he sees Neil's boss, looking supremely irritated and wrapped around his fur coat. His hair is perfect as usual, but there's a path of dark hickeys forming on his neck. On the edge of the coat Andrew can see the white stockings peeking. Ichirou opens the door with a grimace, the whole place reeks of cookies and _sex_. 

"Look what the cat dragged in, Stuart." Andrew has been in Ichirou's presence long enough to understand he is _annoyed_. He grabs Neil by the armpits and hails him up. 

"Why the fuck is Neil here, Minyard?" Stuart growls from the other end of the room where he's trying to cling to the last dregs of dignity by closing his pants in a haste and trying to button up his pajama shirt at the same time. 

Ichirou tsks from the other end of the room, throwing Neil carelessly on the table and inspecting the damage. "Told you babe, they are fucking." He sing songs, patting Neil's face twice before he looks at his loving husband.

Who now looks ready to commit murder. 

"I removed you from that hell, Neil, I killed the Butcher, created a new one from the scratch to protect you… And you...And you Minyard." Stuart is not taking deep breaths, he's advancing towards Andrew, his hands curled in fists. "I will end you for touching Neil."

"Enough, Hatford." Ichirou commands and Andrew stays rooted on the spot, staring Stuart in the eye as he looks like a bull ready to steamroll his own protegé for his nephew's honor. "You will do no such thing and that's an order. Now grab the emergency kit under the sofa."

"My Lord,"

There's a tick curving Ichirou's mouth down as he fixes the fur coat over his shoulders. "I said _now_." It's quite interesting seeing how the power play between Stuart Hatford and Ichirou Moriyama blends seamlessly into their lives-- it's also quite curious how someone like Ichirou holds so much power in his hands. Andrew steps closer to Neil, holding his hand as Ichirou cuts through his pants and then reaches his hand for a syringe.

"Not so fun when you're the one being threatened right…? Makes you think of…" Neil hisses in discomfort, his fingers tightening on Andrew's hold. "how you treat Aaron's boyfriends."

"He's never had one so I have no basis for comparison." Andrew answers, bringing Neil's gloved fingers so he can kiss each knuckle. 

"Awn, isn't that sweet?" Ichirou pipes from his place down the table, he has a set of pliers and is currently digging around the wound, trying to find the elusive bullet as Stuart's breathes down his neck. "Hmmmhmmm while it's very very sweet, I must ask: why the fuck did you bring Neil along?" Ichirou picks up the bullet with a triumphant _aha!_ , dropping it on the floor carelessly as he picks up the sewing kit. 

Andrew groans, finally releasing Neil's hand to remove his own gloves. "Neil _insisted_ he'd come along. Said the mole gave him the number of cars accompanying your psychotic brother. 

Ichirou hums a song, offbeat and ridiculous as he closes the wound and slaps a gauze. "Were you two followed?" Stuart asks and Andrew can see he has a white knuckle grip on Ichirou's fur covered waist. _Ugh, overprotective Scottish asshole._

"Yes."

Ichirou turns around, tapping Stuart's chest twice. "Follow me dear. Neil, Andrew? Help yourselves with some gingerbread cookies and eggnog." They both watch as Stuart and Ichirou disappear beyond the living room. Andrew picks up the jar with gingerbread cookies and puts it besides Neil.

"Think they're fighting?" He asks, methodically eating each arm first, then the legs, then offers the head for Neil to bite.

"Think so, Ichirou rarely calls uncle Stu by his last name." Neil muses, shrugging carelessly as he chews the head of a cookie person. "We should have talked to uncle Stuart… but well, look at the silver lining: it seems like we got ourselves a spot on a very warm and cozy Christmas getaway." 

Andrew lifts an eyebrow, eyeing Neil's smile with some disbelief. And Neil keeps smiling at him soft, pure, with grimy splatters of blood, soot and melted snowflakes on his periwinkle blue hair. He looks delightful. 

A little maniac but delightful. Andrew leans in, sealing their lips together. "257, junkie."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Labrador has its charms: a thick layer of fluffy snow covers the outside, tiny charming flakes fall and gather on the front porch; the house, all sturdy wood and tall floor to ceiling bulletproof glass doors; the furniture inside, leather and fur all over. Ichirou, on a rare cooking bender, decided to bake some gingerbread biscuits and the whole house smells like _Christmas_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now comes the inevitable conclusion of our die hard christmas special for [AFTGWinterJam](https://twitter.com/aftgwinterjam)! Today's prompt was bundling up/fireside and...I think I got it... Somehow.
> 
> anyways, my love, devotion and thanks to [Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkbluebox/pseuds/darkbluebox) for the Scottifying of uncle Stu, you made this fic 300 times better

Stuart couldn't be happier with the timing of Riko's maniacal threats: both he and Ichirou were due to a long and delightful vacation and now they have it, courtesy of his husband's bampot brother. Of course, a house in the middle of nowhere, Labrador, is not ideal. He much rather be on a sunny beach in Bali, or even a bonnie house in Italy, eating oranges from the orchard and lazing around in the sun. But beggars can't be choosers, so he will enjoy it.

Labrador has its charms: a thick layer of fluffy snow covers the outside, tiny charming flakes fall and gather on the front porch; the house, all sturdy wood and tall floor to ceiling bulletproof glass doors; the furniture inside, leather and fur all over. Ichirou, on a rare cooking bender, decided to bake some gingerbread biscuits and the whole house smells like _Christmas_. Now he's laying in front of the fire, on top of a fluffy fur rug, with a braw plate of cheese and two glasses of wine, waiting for Ichirou to come downstairs from whatever he's planning. It's the perfect time to put on spotify's Christmas playlist and enjoy the peace and quiet.

There's no staff running around, no meetings, Neil is safely tucked in the New York apartment he bought him and Andrew….well, Andrew is the only one allowed within a 500 meter radius so he can finally off Riko. Stuart swirls his wine, drinking half of it in one go-- finesse and appearances are Ichirou's area of expertise. 

_Andrew._ He muses, he likes the bairn an awful lot. The best of his pupils, heart of gold and mind of steel. Maybe, under very specific and strict circumstances he could see him courting Neil. 

On Stuart's terms, of course. Keep his work separated from their private lives, take his nephew to a few restaurants (where Stuart will, undoubtedly, also book a table to watch them) and finally put forward a request about dating Neil. They would make a tidy couple.

"Oh beloved." Stuart snaps his head in the direction of Ichirou's voice and smiles. His husband looks beautiful. Gorgeous. Perfect. His long hair is secured on a braid and he's wrapped around in what looks like a fur coat. He thinks Neil had been grumbling about the damn fur coat for months, and it really has its charm. The mahogany color of the fur compliments Ichirou's skin, and he looks _royal_ , wrapped up in the skin of dead braw animals. "You have that look on your face." Ichirou says softly, stepping closer to Stuart with a smirk on his face.

"Whit look?" Stuart asks, reaching out to touch a calf covered by a sheer white stocking. He runs the pads of his fingers, following Ichirou's leg until he reaches the edges of the coat. Stuart leans in closer, dragging his lips across the delicate stocking.

"The look you get when you're planning Neil's future." Ichirou reaches out, running his fingers through Stuart's silver hair as his husband kisses his leg. "Told you, leave the boy be. He will find his way in life without you."

"You leave me alone for too long and my mind wanders, you ken that, pet." Stuart says, even though he's more preoccupied with kissing Ichirou from toe to knee. 

Ichirou's laugh is like ringing bells, or someone hitting fine crystal glasses softly, and the crystal glasses are filled with cyanide. It's no shame for Stuart to say he worships the ground Ichirou stands. He is not just a pretty pair of legs and a cute wee arse. He is marvelous. "The boy is old enough to plot assassinations on a daily basis, let him be." Ichirou says, his hands framing Stuart's trimmed beard and-- it's both lovely and dangerous, Ichirou's thumbs are running circles over his jaw while his pinky and ring finger are pressing the sides of Stuart's throat, the weight of it making him aware of how easy it would be for Ichirou to choke the life out of him. "And let me take care of everything, my beloved. Neil will be fine. Us, however…"

Stuart nuzzles Ichirou's hands, enough so he can kiss his palm, then the delicate pulse fluttering under the thin skin of his wrist. "Us…?"

"We need a vacation. I wanna stay here, in front of the fire and take care of you Stu." Ichirou hums, scratching his short nails against Stuart's beard. "Come on beloved, when was the last time we had some time for ourselves?" He asks softly, pushing one thumb inside Stuart's mouth. Ichirou presses down on the tongue playing with it, his hands snaking to hold his husband by the hair. Stuart groans happily when Ichirou tugs his hair twice, the pain running from his scalp to his toes. He keeps licking the thumb, sucking on it, biting on it. "Hm?"

"Mallorca...When ye poisoned tha’ russian eejit." The answer that comes from Stuart is both halted and muffled, like he's enjoying himself too much to answer properly. 

"That was two years ago. I have been waiting to spend a wonderful night with my husband for two years. We didn't even have a honeymoon." Ichirou sighs, pulling his thumb out of Stuart's mouth with a pop. "I won't do this song and dance with you, Stuart, not because I don't think you can follow, but because I'm tired of bringing our work to our bed, so please, can we pretend for like one hour that we're just a loving couple on a holiday getaway?" He asks, and Ichirou sounds supremely scunnered and Stuart kisses his knee. 

"Aye, love. Anything you want." Stuart mumbles blindly, his hands finding the straps of the suspender belt under the fur coat and snapping it one or twice against Ichirou's thigh. His husband moans, releasing the harsh pull on Stuart's hair to run his hand over the locks in a gentle caress. "Anything, love."

"Plus, I have a little surprise for you." Ichirou smirks, pulling open the fur coat and letting it drop to the floor. Stuart's mouth drops open and oh. "Something old," Ichirou points to the wedding ring on his hand. "something new," he picks Stuart's hand up, placing it so his husband can run over the black leather straps of the body harness that crisscrosses his body. "something borrowed," Ichirou gestures to the house that they're in, a smirk ticking his lips up. "something blue." He finally places Stuart's hand over the blue lace underwear.

Stuart smiles brightly, touching Ichirou's half hard cock with reverence. "And a sixpence in her shoe."

"A what?" The smile falls from Ichirou's face. His eye twitches a bit.

"A sixpence in her shoe. That's how the rhyme goes: Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue and a sixpence in her shoe." Ichirou groans, falling to his knees and sitting on Stuart's lap.

"Could you be a little less English? Just a little?" Ichirou asks, tugging hard on his husband's hair.

Stuart laughs, running his hands over Ichirou's thigh, plucking the suspender belt over and over. "I'm Scottish, Ichirou. You ken, Neil thought we were English because my Da decided that Mary should go tae a private school in England before she married the wrong man. Didnae work." He picks Ichirou's arm up, kissing the bed of flowers tattooed on his skin. "I have my lucky sixpence in my wallet."

Ichirou tugs on his hair again and Stuart only chuckles back, he's too preoccupied with trailing kisses on the collection of chrysanthemums and poppies, following the snake that slithers from the middle of Ichirou's arm to his shoulders, and finally, reaching his neck, mouthing the skin softly as Ichirou moans. "Fuck, right there." Ichirou moans loudly, his hips grinding against Stuart's cock as he unbuttons his husband's pajamas.

"You look lovely." Stuart mumbles against Ichirou's neck, leaving unforgiving marks on his fair skin. It's not always he has the chance of leaving a purple trail down Ichirou's throat and he cherishes it just as much as he cherishes the unbidden moans that drop from Ichirou's mouth and fill up the room. "Really lovely."

Ichirou is almost purring, pushing the shirt out of his shoulders and taking his time in leaving red tracks with his nails on Stuart's back. "You look adorable like that, we should use the fireplace in my office more often."

Stuart mumbles a question, still leaving hickeys all over Ichirou's elegant neck. "Fae whit?"

"The fire makes you look good. Like…" Ichirou pulls away, taking a moment to grind their cocks together and watch the way the shadows dance on Stuart's profile. "Like this, it makes your eyes more green, I can even see the fleck of brown on them." He thumbs the skin under Stuart's eye, paying close attention to the patch of brown that breaks the green. "You look soft and that's not a word I'd use to describe you." 

Stuart smiles at him, his hands moving from the intricate work of leather straps on his torso to hold Ichirou's waist. "You look…" He's at loss for words. Ichirou's braided black hair shines, the tattoos on his arms and chest are beautiful, the black and red muted under the warm glow of the fireplace and he looks _happy_. "Perfect." Ichirou opens the first button of his trousers, feeling his way between the layers of cotton and silk until he grabs Stuart's cock in his hands and squeezes it gently. Stuart lets his heid fall back, hitting the sofa behind them with a muted thud as Ichirou latches on his neck to repay the purplish bruises he left behind.

It's good, usually their lovemaking is either rushed, because Ichirou is the king (or more adequately Lord) of making himself hoachin’. And when they take their time, Ichirou likes to pull out all the toys for their wild nights. "You taste so good." Ichirou says when he comes out for air, laying butterfly kisses over his pulse point.

Stuart holds on to Ichirou's thighs, squeezing them softly. He opens his mouth to say something when they both hear the knocking in the glass front door. 

He fucking knows that pattern of knocking. Two hard closed fist thuds with two seconds intervals between them.

_Minyard._

Ichirou sighs, getting up and wrapped up in his fur coat to open the door. 

"Look what the cat dragged in, Stuart." His husband sounds infinitely annoyed and, because he is not daftenough to look away when Ichirou sounds close to murder someone, Stuart looks over the couch in time to watch his husband hauling his beloved nephew by the armpits and dragging him to the kitchen table.

And, as much as he wants to appreciate the show of strength his husband is displaying, he can't. He gets up, not knowing how to button his shirt and his trousers at the same time. "Why the fuck is Neil here, Minyard?" He growls, picking up the gun nearby and getting ready to shoot the life out of Andrew Minyard's tiny body.

The thing that stops him pulling the trigger is Ichirou clicking his tongue as he lifts Neil and places him on the table. Stuart can see Ichirou's black eyes mapping Neil's body until he finds the source of the bleeding. "Told you babe, they are fucking." His voice has the melodic tone that tells Stuart he is pissed _and amused_ because he was right.

No matter how cheery Ichirou sounds, Stuart is ready to commit murder. There are sirens blasting inside his brain and he can only see red. He can see his nephew curled in a corner of a dirty basement, broken, bruised, burned. Lola's cackle. Nathan's reptilian stare. "I removed you from that hell, Neil, I killed the Butcher, created a new one from the scratch to protect you… And you...And you Minyard." He feels his breath out of sync, his hands closing in fists as he advances to absolutely murder Andrew Minyard with his bare hands. "I will end you for touching Neil."

"Enough, Hatford." Ichirou's voice stops him. It's not just his voice, it's the damn Hatford he utters with a mix of respect and anger, the stupid commanding tone his _Lord_ uses. "You will do no such thing and that's an order. Now grab the emergency kit under the sofa."

"My Lord," He says uselessly, his fingers twitching and curling as if he's wriggling Minyard's neck.

"I said now." Ichirou's lips are curled in a half snarl, half anger, his fingers are dragging over the edge of where the bullet tore through Neil's trousers. The fur coat slides over his shoulder and Stuart watches as he fixes it with a bloody hand. Undoubtedly he will complain all about the stain in his Danish Mink fur coat to Neil and order twenty more just to be petty. 

Stuart is still tracking Minyard's move while he picks the first aid kit and hands it to Ichirou. He holds on to his husband's hips, his fingers are trembling and he is trying to kill Minyard with his eyes while Ichirou cuts through Neil's trousers.

It's only when Ichirou curls his fingers, asking for the anesthesia that he sees his nails are painted in a deep red, both blood and nail polish mixing on the tip of his fingers. It's mesmerizing how he handles the syringe, the gracious way he reaches for the pliers and digs around the wound. Stuart knows it takes a little bit more time for the anesthesia to settle, so Neil's pain is his first reprieve.

He wants to stop Ichirou, but Minyard and his nephew are blethering, it sounds faraway and Ichirou is too focused on what he does.

"Awn, isn't that sweet?" Ichirou looks brawl and sounds _dangerous_ , he's digging for the bullet in a caring way, avoiding any additional damage, but doing his best to inflict as much pain as it is possible. Of course it's his nephew and Ichirou's right handed man, but anyone transgressing the Lord's order should suffer through his temper. "Hmmmhmmm while it's very very sweet, I must ask: why the fuck did you bring Neil along?" 

Stuart wants to kiss his husband senselessly for caring so much about his nephew, of course he's an asset, but Stuart has been with Ichirou long enough to recognize the worry mixed with the venom. As thanks, he presses his lips against his neck as Ichirou gets the bullet and drops it on the floor.

"Neil _insisted_ he'd come along. Said the mole gave him the number of two cars accompanying your psychotic brother. "

His brain is already preparing the speech for when he gets Minyard alone, Neil is good with his brain and knives. He is not fit for field work, he is a disaster and he likes grenades far too much. He’s glaikit and Minyard should have known better. Ichirou is humming _have yourself a merry little christmas_ under his breath as he sews up his babbie nephew and slaps a gauze with a ringing sound.

"Were you two followed?" Stuart asks as he tightens the grip he has on Ichirou's waist.

"Yes."

He feels the double tap on his chest as his husband turns around. "Follow me, dear. Neil, Andrew? Help yourselves with some gingerbread cookies and eggnog." 

Stuart is fucked. 

Ichirou has his own particular string of pet names that tells Stuart everything he needs to know: _beloved_ , is the endearing one, whispered softly on his ear with so much care that makes Stuart's body light up; _honey_ , is for slow mornings when he's awake before Stuart and guarding his sleep; _dear_ , however, it's the second worst of them, it tells Stuart Ichirou is one step away from murdering everyone in this house. Well, he should be glad it wasnae _sweetheart_.

He doesn't like to be around his husband when he says that word. 

Stuart follows Ichirou through the house, feeling his temper flare again. "Am no’ doing this song and dance my arse, Ichirou." He mumbles angrily, only to find Ichirou turning on his heels and stops moving. 

"You should watch your mouth, Hatford, lest you want me to absolutely lose my temper, _sweetheart_."

"That's my bloody nephew out there, bleeding and hummin’ ae human blood and guts, in case you havnae noticed." Stuart growls and the only thing that stops him is Ichirou's hand, curled dangerously around his throat. 

First mistake: don't make a mob boss even angrier. "Oh I have noticed, Stuart Hatford." He says sweetly, his fingers digging softly into Stuart's neck. Second mistake, never be within arms reach when the said mob boss is angry. "Don't confound my calm for lack of care. I would hate to become a widow so soon." Ichirou abandons the hold he has on Stuart's throat to press something on the wall and show his husband the stash of guns in a hidden compartment. "Get your rifle and your pupil. I want you two on the veranda to shoot whoever tries to be dumb enough to try and shoot me."

Stuart nods, picking up the rifle that looks like it was made for him. "Yes, my Lord."

"And Stuart?" Ichirou calls him softly, pulling him by the shirt to kiss him deeply. "Don't you dare getting hurt, I still want to enjoy a cozy Christmas night with you." Stuart smiles against Ichirou's lips and, this close, he can feel how out of sync his breath is, how quick his heart is beating and the worry in his eyes. 

"Dinnae worry love, you will have your cozy Christmas night." He turns around, walking into the living room and picking Minyard by the scruff. "You made both me and your boss very angry."

Andrew half scoffs, half huffs and he watches as Neil waves good bye to his boyfriend. "The subordinate part of me says sorry, but that's one percent of me. The other 99 percent don't care. Your nephew is fucking stupid and who taught him to think that grenades are good in an ambush?"

Stuart snorts as the lights go out and him and Minyard place themselves on the cold balcony on the second floor. Typical of Riko to want to be the star of the show, ignoring how the darkness will give them an advantage. "Fuck if I ken, but once we end this wee bawbag, you and I are going to have a long conversation aboot…"

"Me fucking your nephew?" Andrew asks carelessly, laying on the floor and watching the eejit Ravens flock around Riko's car. Stuart wants to growl, but he is already breathing deeply, steadying his heartbeat and aim. "Neil and I are together, I enjoy his company a lot and he could use someone who can protect his dumb grenade loving ass."

"ICHIROU! SHOW YOUR COWARD FACE!" Riko bawls from below as the two cars left from his convoy light up the driveway. He's standing on top of one of them, his arms open in a mockery of greatness.

"Dear brother, to what do I owe this visit?" Ichirou steps into the balcony, still wrapped up in his fur coat and looking like the picture of royalness. Riko looks like a cheap version of his brother. 

Stuart knows they're both aff their heids. Completely taken by delusions of grandeur that follow their name, but while Riko is completely out of control, Ichirou uses it to his favor.

"I CAME TO END THIS NONSENSE."

"Should I shoot?" Andrew asks and Ichirou dismisses him with a sign of his hand as he crosses his arms over his fur clad chest. 

It's kind of hot to think that underneath that fur, Ichirou is wearing nothing but that damn gorgeous leather harness. And now he has snow boots. It's a nice contrast with the thigh high white socks. "Which nonsense you're talking about, sweetie?" Ichirou asks, and unlike Riko he doesn't need to scream to make himself be heard. He speaks calmly, in his condescending tone that Stuart is sure that will drive Riko crazy. 

" _SWEETIE_ , THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO YOUR FAMILY'S NAME. YOU LAY WITH THE ENEMY. YOUR MERE EXISTENCE AS A LORD MAKES OUR FATHER TURN ON HIS GRAVE!"

Ichirou coos, a tiny smile playing on his lips. "You speak of the same father who made the decision to give you away to the irrelevant side of the family, because you know, you truly are a second born son and you have no value now you stopped fulfilling your role?" He asks cheekily, waving his left hand in the air. "Also father doesn't have a grave, he was cremated, it goes to show how much you know about traditions."

Below them, Riko is fuming. And it adds to the injury that even with the shooters pointed to him Ichirou is cool and cruel as if he was there only to chastise whatever Riko says. "YOU…"

"Tell me, my delightful brother: how will you hold this empire when you barely know the traditions of our ancestors?"

"BETTER THAN A HARLOT AND A FAGGOT LIKE YOU. I WILL MAKE THE MORIYAMA EMPIRE STAND TALL AND PROUD."

Ichirou tuts, and Stuart only knows he's turned around by the soft swoosh of his feet. Apparently, from the sound of a gait, Neil decided to join them. "Thank you, Neil, you're lovely." He turns around again, the floor creaking under his boots. "If anyone wants to pledge their alliance to me, they better do it now." Silence. "No? Fine then." He hears the crunching of boots, kills whoever points their gun to Ichirou. 

There's a whistle in the air, something disrupting the soft snowfall, people abandoning their posts and Riko disappearing in a blast. Stuart turns around to find his husband holding a bazooka like it's a common occurrence.

He looks at Minyard as car bits and human parts rain from the sky. "So that's where Neil learned the grenade thing." Andrew says, lifting his head from his scope. 

"There's nothing more efficient and satisfying than blowing people up." Ichirou hands the bazooka back at Neil, his coat hanging open and his skin prickling with goosebumps. "Neil, call the cleanup crew, I know you usually work with them, but it's Christmas and you deserve a rest. And I'm dying for some eggnog." He wraps his fingers around Stuart's hair, tugging it softly. "I'll prepare us some. Neil, come love. Let them handle it. I don't have enough hands to carry all the mugs."

He watches as Ichirou holds his nephew up, helping him out of the room. Then he looks at Minyard, who has an eyebrow up, and maybe some bits of Riko and unknown Ravens stuck to his rifle. "Don't say a word about the blow up thing."

"I'm not saying anything, old man." Minyard whispers, pulling his rifle inside and holding out a hand for Stuart to get up. 

"You're saying it with your eyebrows."

Andrew scoffs as they walk downstairs. "Maybe my eyebrows are saying _I need a gallon of bleach to get the image of my boss in a leather harness and lace underwear from my brain._ "

Stuart isn't blushing, but it's a close thing. When he gets to the sofa, Ichirou is already sitting on the rug, the fire highlighting the harness and the beautiful tattoos on his torso. "Not a word." He tells Minyard, then sits by his husband's side, kissing his temple as the eggnog gets passed around. Neil is to Ichirou's right, topping everyone's glass with a healthy dose of whiskey.

Mariah Carey is singing in the background as they toast, her sweet voice echoing in the fireplace lit room:

_All I want for Christmas is…_

"Murder and a gallon of bleach." Andrew says, biting the head off of a gingerbread biscuit.

"Riko blowing up." Neil hums, tucking himself under Andrew's arm, a tiny smile playing on his lips. "And a gallon of bleach too."

Fucking twats, interrupting their vacations. "Peace and quiet. We should’ve gone tae Italy." Stuart whispers, looking into Ichirou's satisfied dark eyes. 

His husband finally sighs, a brilliant smile on his lips. "A dick in the box. The dick must be attached to Stuart. No sawed off dicks. Got that once in the mail, awful."He hums. "Also peace, quiet and Italy sounds nice. Neil?"

His nephew hums again, the eggnog dripping on the side of his mouth makes Stuart want to gag. "Yes, Ichirou."

"Book my vacations. You're not getting close to us. Book yourself and Andrew a week in the Bahamas and give Andrew a promotion." Ichirou says, leaning in to bite Stuart's ear. "Love you, thank you for the Christmas gift."

"That was all Andrew and Neil." Stuart whispers, placing one hand over Ichirou's warm thigh. 

"Nonsense. Wouldn't like to show them how thankful I am for those fleshy fireworks." Ichirou moves Stuart's hand up and _oh. ___

__"I'm gonna spend all my raise in bleach." Andrew grumbles._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come sing jingle balls with [me](https://twitter.com/dogintheboiler)

**Author's Note:**

> well, i'm still [here](https://twitter.com/dogintheboiler)


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